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 Romantic Friendship’s Practical Merit

According to the article entitled Romantic Friendship, “Healthy social interaction and positive, progressive friendship are two of human beings’ most important needs.”Wouldn’t you most agree? Positive and progressive social behavior, on a regular basis, is critical to even being human; but is romantic friendship even possible—can people be romantic friends? If romantic friendship means platonic sharing and interaction that is based on a genuine likeness for each other without sex, that is entirely possible. The problem here, though, is with the use or juxtaposition of the terms: Romantic friendship seems more like a contradiction or paradox to me than anything else.

Friendship—in particular, platonic friendship—is a wonderful source of spiritual and emotional bonding that transmits warmth and love to others: Don’t you agree? it is a great way of expressing appreciation to others of like interests and values, and is entirely workable in an asexual medium: It is when sexual interest and human guile get in the picture that things become muddy and complicated—what do you say? While I understand that people can engage each other romantically, without sex for some time; I strongly doubt that they can go on violating one another’s intimate zone or space and keep that up for any protracted period of time without a crash—don’t human body just does not work like that: Don’t you agree? Someone feeling on you and fondling your breasts without sex is insane; don’t you think?

People Playing with Fire

That is just not the way human beings function; and, especially in this sexaholic world society today. Rubbing up yourself on a member of the opposite sex, whom you truly admire, is just creating a conflict; forcing you to overheat your sexual engine and causing it to crash. This explains why most of the rapes occur among people who are closely related and who were probably experimenting with romantic friendship. They begin fooling around with one another’s intimate zone, meddling with each other’s private parts; and when the other person’s fire starts burning out of control and he demands and takes sex, they cry rape. Well, is that rape? If you don’t sex with someone of the opposite sex, why do have him massaging your vagina—hah? Ma’am, that is not romantic friendship; that is total insanity. If you play with fire, what do you expect—a cold shower!

When opposite-parties play around with fire, somewhere along the road, their sexual engine will get overheated; and they just cannot not handle it anymore. So, they turn on the other person and rape her or him—and I am, in no way, condoning rape here; but you have to know what you are doing with your romantic friendship and how far it can stretch. Certainly, people with low libidos are not as strongly powered sexually as people arrayed with a high-octane sexual engine; thus, romantic friendship, of this ilk, would not work for everyone because everybody cannot handle that level of closeness in this sex-driven society without sex. And, in view of the incest explosion unfolding in the world right now; it is obvious that what I am saying here is true.Look at the massive mainstreaming of incest: Family members, messing around with pornography, find out really quickly that they cannot handle that level of sexual interaction and closeness with one another opposite-sex party without sex—and they are related by blood. You would shocked to know how many members turn on one another after a hot piece of pornography.

Women’s Strange Response to Sexual Stimulation

Mothers who get too close to their sons often wind up in the sack with them, even though they did not start out with that in mind. How much the more are people who are not blood-related unable to handle people of the opposite sex, violating their intimate space? What is so pathetic here is that, all too often, these romantic friendships crash; and the woman becomes pregnant because she was overtaken by the energy of the sexual pressure under which she came.  In addition, all too often, some women cannot say yes to sex; they want it but seem to be in fog about it: They have a shrewish response to sexual stimulation and have to be overpowered in order to get them to the actual act.

It’s like they cannot come to the act on their own, and woe be unto men trapped with those insane women! It is not that they are double minded when it comes to sex; they are just crazy and succumb to sex through the flashing of double signals. More often than not, these are the women who wind up crying rape! They seem to lead the man in that path and then cry rape, but that is insane—wouldn’t you say? These are some of the same women who wind up luring sons into sex with them, and then blaming it on the poor young man when the guilt hits later on.

 These motherstypically did not plan things that way—the sex just poured out and happened to both romantic partners. Many mothers fool around with their sons like that and take them through a hypnotic sex dance: they do that until the animal sex craze consumes them and takes them over. Ten years down the road, after she made three or four children for her son; she remembers that she is his mother. If this wasn’t so sick, it would have been laughable.

What is of particular interest here is that people can play around with sex all they want to, but sex plays around with no man: Your sperm gets next to that woman’s eggs, and you have a baby—whether you like it or not.That woman’s genitals come in contact with your diseased penis; and you have, a more than likely, deadly sexually transmitted disease. Sex does not play games; it is deadly serious, and you better know what you are doing when it comes to sex because, while it may that pleasurable in the short term, it may not be that pleasurable over the long haul. Thus, woman, make up your mind about with whom you want to have sex and handle you passion in a responsible, adult manner

Sex Bites and Grinds both Ways

I think that what most people mean by romantic friendship is a genuinely platonic friendship, where you do not see that person as a sex partner and are not turned on to him or her in that way; but you cannot pull that kind of stuff with someone to whom you are clearly attracted romantically, nor should you even do with someone whom you just see as a friend because the mind plays games on people. You start holding hands with, hugging, and kissing on, someone whom you admire sexually; and you will find yourself in a whole lot of trouble because you are a sex machine—your body is built that way.

Such sexually explicit behavior will trigger sexual passion in you:That kind of behavior is only viable within a certain range of sexological manners: That is just how the body is wired. Some things are nice sentiments—beautiful thoughts to have, but they are not practical. As I said above, some people have a much lower sex drive than others and can handle a longer range of sexual teasing; others can’t—they just can’t, and to put them under that kind of sexual pressure is just not being fair nor realistic—you can’t play with fire and not get burned! Thus, you do need to be careful with your romantic friendship, lest you find yourself in a full-scale rape situation and pregnant for a man who is not your lover. Save yourself the trouble of having to have an abortion that already know that you don’t want.

Even mothers who cross that intimacy zone with their sons often find themselves having sex with them; well, they didn’t plan it that way: Their intimate behavior just struck a nerve: It connected and resonated with both of them at the same time, and they just kept going at it until they realize that they want each other sexually—and it happens. If mothers cannot control themselves with their own sons, what makes you think that that feller who has been rubbing on you would be able to keep that up without sex—you are fooling yourself. In addition, romantic friendship is often just people’s veiled intention at getting into a regular intimate relationship with that other person. They use romantic friendship as a pretext to light their fires with that person. They often forget that sex grinds both ways and doesn’t care what your intentions are: You mess around with fire, and sex will burn you up!

Sometimes, both sentiments are present; and some of these platonic relationships can morph into splendid, full-fledged intimate relationships over time; where both people come to the conclusion that they would make a wonderful couple without jarring the friendship itself. These platonic friendships that morph into full-blown sexual relationships are probably the finest relationships that you would find anywhere in the world. This is because these people have really spent the time needed to know each other; and after all that time, they still like each other enough to start a relationship. These relationships are fully baked and meaningful, and they tend to last longer than regular sexual relationships that are merely based on the fire. Unfortunately, relationships that are merely based on sex do not last because what people typically need transcend sex itself. However, in a sick, psychopathic society; people don’t spend much time thinking things through; the atmosphere is frequently bipolar, and people are very impulsive and rash, making critical decisions at the spur of a moment.

Why Sex-Driven Relationships often Fail

Unfortunately, most relationships that get started are too sexually driven; and the people don’t spend enough time getting to know and to like each other. Thus, what they find, typically, is that the sexual excitement soon burns; and with not enough dept and time spent together, they start resenting one another; especially if the sex isn’t that good—and this is often something through which they both have to work. People are too shallow nowadays and want everything too quickly, thus destroying the intrinsic value of friendship, fellowship, relationship, and sex. Why are sexual relationships so short-lived? Why do people get tired of each other so quickly? Aside from the rush-rush thrust for sex, people lose interest in each other because modern society is just plain false: With no solid spiritual foundation, there is nothing upon which to build anything; the whole ethos of the society is false. The common understanding of things is false, and the people’s perception of reality is wrong.

They dead wrong on most of the moral issues and are often extremely snobbish and obnoxious, too; this renders rational discussion improbable and impossible. There is the tendency for people to think that they understand the world and are right in how they view things, even though they’ve been married eight times: They believe that they are right and understand the world—and they don’t. This explains why they keep getting it wrong—in and out of relationships and marriages. There is no foundation upon which to build something solid; thus, the slightest storm that blows by rips up whatever was there, and the people keep missing each other and falling behind.

This falling behind causes negative, pent-up emotions to go unreleased; and over time, that takes its toll, sending people into the suicide chamber.  Thus, the whole idea of romantic friendship needs to be very carefully vetted and balanced against a slew of facts; lest you find yourself in a situation for which you did not plan. It is interesting how these sexy ideas seem ever so practical until they are put to the test; and by then, it’s too late for you to back out now—too late. Check me out at https://www.crashingstreamsofchange.com; there is a ton of information there on a wide range of juicy topics like these. There are a lot of fascinating topics on relationships, marriage, solving marital problems, sex, and sexless relationships, riveting poetry, and a range of life-changing ideas. There is enough there to keep you busy for a whole day! Go and take a look; leave me a note of your first impression.

Should your Spouse be your best Friend?

According to the article, The Wild Sex Rush, “Romantic relationships are best developed with people who have a slower sex drive and have more control over that drive.” The central idea here is that people with firm control over their erotic fires tend to handle themselves better overall than those who don’t. This, being the case, enables them to handle intimate relationships much more effectively than those who don’t; they are much better able to handle romantic friendships and develop more lasting friendships than others. Friendship is the essence of relationships, but this issue seems to have been lost in the fog of society’s rush for sex—and you really shouldn’t rush a friend for sex; that is more table manners.

This question strikes at the heart of today’s marital problems: Its unfaithfulness, its perversion, and its dishonesty: The question is an interesting one whose answer should not be attempted without much thought. After very careful brooding over the matter, the answer becomes as clear as day; obviously, whether or not your spouse should be your closest friend depends on the spouse to whom you married and the kind of relationship that you have with her. Unfortunately, life is so upside-down today that most people hardly speak to their spouses, either because they are unfaithful to them and undergo massive guilt; or because they have a host of problems with their marital partner. Traditionally, it was expected of you to be your spouse’s best friend: Society was relatively well balanced back then, people married for all the right reasons, and family life was much more stable than it is today. We live in an obviously upside-down world.

In this regard, questions like these need to be put on hold to enable society to settle down and get back to what it used to be. One of the most interesting concepts in society today is the phrase the good ole days. It is interesting how those days are never that good when they are around; it is when the storm blows in from nowhere that you begin to see how wonderful those days were—and they were wonderful and were taken for granted. Back in the good ole days when people were more normal and society was less demon-possessed, your spouse was naturally your best friend. The truth is, who else ought to be your best friend but your spouse? —you are almost begging the question by asking it. This is why I recommend marrying someone who reminds you of a beloved family member because love and marriage are a far cry from the fairy tale of dating out there in society today—and that is why so many marriages don’t work: Your marriage was not meant to work because the whole system was based on illusions: Not on reality. If your marriage was meant  to work, you would see your wife as being the closest person to you; but because you hate yourself, you hate your wife, too—and she probably feels the same way about you, and so, no love lasts.

Your Marriage had no Foundation

Love and marriage today are a deep, empty hole: They have no foundation upon which to build anything; and over time, people become resentful of one another.The phony love that they thought they had turns into hate because they never loved each other in the first place—they didn’t even know what love is. That is the plight of most marriages today. The couple were thrilled with the opportunity to have sex with each other, and that was great—for a while—and then, after a brief while, it became old hat and stale; especially if pregnancy occurs early in the game. That really spoils things. This is why I say the question of should your spouse be you best friend is so important: It exposes how far society has wandered from the mark; thus, obviously, spouses who cheat on their husbands are definitely not going to be their best friends, and in many cases, they better run from their angry husbands who have been tipped by a close friend about what they are doing in that extramarital relationship. They are in it because their marriage had not foundation.

So, in answering the question; I would say that spouses definitely ought to be one another’s best friends; however, in the light of the society in which we now live, that may not be possible. That may definitely not be possible in the majority of cases, because the average marriage today is in trouble and needs the care of psychologist and the Bible. The trouble today is that everything seems to have gone wrong and to have strayed from what they used to be, and nobody wants to say what the problem is because he or she does not want to offend anyone. In this regard, I guess the answer lies in separating yourself from the rest of a false and dying society that has strolled down the wrong lane. Society has gone down the wrong lane; and folks are starting to become pessimistic and cynical.Many see that the way things are going now, they are certainly getting worse by the day and slipping further and further away.

The Unfixable World Falling Apart

The world is off on the wrong track, and it is not going to get any better until we all begin to say what needs to be said out loud ant take concrete action to fix things. In a perverted, unclean age; where darkened people are running the show; everybody wants things to go right and peace to prevail in society; but, judging from the way things are going now, they are just going to continue that way because things don’t go well in a perverted, unclean age. People want to commit adultery and to have peace of mind at the same time in a twisted perverted age; men want to marry men and live in a peaceful world, and no one wants to say that the problems in the world are connected to these unnatural behaviors. Because men marry men and adultery has become the norm, shooting sprees, too, have become normal; but nobody has made the connection—nobody wants to do so.  It’s a strange world where nobody wants to call anything wrong because the wrong people are running show; and in their world, noting is right or wrong. Thus, the whole superstructure of the world continues to fall apart.

It is difficult to answer all these complex questions in an unclean, perverted age without getting perverted answers that may be glib but which soothe no one’s conscience. Answering these complex questions touch on the strings to which they are connected. The world has waxed extremely unpredictable and dangerous: It is high time that we ask why and be prepared for the truth to be delivered to us. But whose truth to which we are referring? Liberals have redefined the world and how reality is measured and perceived: What was right is not wrong, and that is what is so wrong with society today. People see what’s wrong, but they refuse to try to fix it because of that ever-present specter of falsehood and danger for merely saying what used be wrong. What a huge price society is paying for fooling around evil and danger—what a price for creating a world where nothing is fixable!

Romantic Friendship

In the article, Should your Spouse be your best Friend, the writer posits that, because so many marriages today have no foundation and are based on illusions rather than truth and love, the whole superstructure of love and marriage is falling apart. At issue here is the question of whether romantic friendship is a viable, practical activity and behavior: No one argues with the fact that you can feel romantic about a friend, but can you have a romantic friendship? The terms seem to get lost in the fog of people’s illusion about friendship: The notion of friendship here seems to be pushed too far. Healthy social interaction and positive, progressive friendship are two of human beings’ most important needs; it is almost impossible to remain healthy without some positive, constructive social interaction of a growthful nature. In fact, you should only seek interaction that has the potential to grow and be progressive. Thus, positive social interaction; in view of romantic relationship; must, of necessity, be your prime concern. However, you should keep in mind the false and plastic nature of human society.

All too often, in our ardor to find love, we become overly idealistic and lose sight of the reality that people are not always truthful; thus setting ourselves up for a future heartbreak and fall. All too often, with the best of our intentions; we run into dishonest people who hurt us by merely misrepresenting themselves. It is a difficult fix to continue to remind ourselves that the world is false and to keep ourselves constantly alert to this difficult fact; for this reason, friendship—and especially romantic friendship—is often riddled with lies, deceptions, and disappointments. Because we want the world to be what we want it to be, we often do not see it for what it is; as a result, far too many romantic friendships wind up as rape cases in the court of law.

Yes, we want the world to be what we want it to be—not what it is: False, undependable, and untrustworthy. We are biased, and one-sided, and want things to conform to our values—even though we know that they are wrong. We want the world to reflect our values of honesty and strong moral standards or vice versa; we want it to be whatit is not—not what it actually is. For this reason, human beings’ understanding and perception of the world is wrong; and this explains why many romantic friends wind up facing each other on rape charges in a court of law.

Romantic Friendship is Need-Driven

The upshot of the matter is that the way we view the world is false because the world itself is false; thus, while having romantic friends is a nice, sexy; that is about it is. Much of this is due to the fact that human behavior is innately selfish because it is driven by self-interests that reflects greater interest in some people than in others. That is so because human behavior in intrinsically need-driven; friendship that cannot satisfy need is innately sterile, meaningless, vain, and going nowhere. Such friendship is the opposite of romantic friendship; which is founded on a deep and ardent likeness, based on common values; or so they start out. Hence, people are not just looking for friends; they are looking for the right people whom they want to fulfill their needs.Thus, romantic friendship is always going somewhere other than where it started; at least, one of the parties always has sex in his or her mind.

No one goes around connecting with everybody because no one is interested in everybody: Only a fool behaves like that; thus, human behavior intrinsically self-motivated and dynamic or progressive in nature, which are critical precursors of romantic friendship. In this regard, meaningful romantic friendship is a moving object from point A to point Z, mirroring varying levels of self-interest and intimacy along the way. The friendship that develops between any two people depends strongly on what the parties’ needs are; and this, in turn, intensely determines how much intimacy can be generated in the ensuing social interaction. From this point of view, married people should not spend a lot of time mingling and interweaving themselves with single people of the opposite sex;in a similar vein, they should avoidspending a lot of time with people whose sexuality and sexual orientation are markedly different from theirs. This is because the mingling that results from the interaction always goes further than was expected by the parties involved, even though they might have begun with the best of intentions. This explains why romantic friendship is so strategically valuable; it gives you time to get to know people in whom you are interested at the platonic level, and this is the level at which all relationships should begin.

Romantic Friendship Ought to be Platonic

Thus, meaningful social interaction,without sex, is the essence of romantic friendship and the means through which it develops; unfortunately, here is where many romantic friendships end because the parties do not have the character to remain true to the essence of platonic, romantic friendship. Many so-called romantic friendships fail because the people just don’t have the control that they ought to have for such relationships. Because intimacy is a fundamental goal of opposite-sex interaction, romantic friendship, even when it is not expressly stated; self-control ought to be strongly emphasized and had in order to maintain these sexually explicit relationships.

The fact that people in these relationships often hold hands; hug each other tightly;and rub up against, and fondle, each other; makes maintaining purely platonic relationships not possible. The level of intimacy squeezed out of the romantic friendship depends of the needs of the people involved—and quite often, those needs are sexual. Thus, messing around with romantic friendships is a good way to fool yourself into full-blown sexual relationships with people are themselves fooling themselves. At this juncture, one might ask, “Is intimacy the basic goal of all social interaction and romantic friendship; and to take it little further, is intimacy always good for the people involved?” Somehow or other, opposite-sex parties seem to wind up in unfruitful and destructive intimate situations; and it is not always easy to determine which social association would yield fruitful, romantic friendship and which will end in disaster.

By fruitful romantic friendships, I mean friendships in which needs are mutually met and the people are totally satisfied with the interaction and intimacy delivered to each other. This is because people often hide critical information about themselves from their friends—information that is crucial to enable an interacting party to determine whether or not a particular social interaction is worth his or her time. If you have a sexually transmitted disease and are fishing around your friend for sex, I would think that you need, and ought, to communicate that fact to her because if you give her your disease, you can destroy her life.

Honesty’s Powerful Role in Friendship

Typically, the lies that people tell block their interacting partners from being able to accurately assess the friendship’s validity. This single factor is the vital determinant of how successful friendshipsare going to be between interacting partners. In this regard, honesty and truth are the life blood of any real friendship because, once you begin to lie and mispresent yourself to your friend, and she finds out; she will never see you the same again. It is like, once a liar; always a lie. Thus, honesty and truth are so absolutely critical in human relationships; this is why cheating is so horrible and unforgivable: A cheating spouse is a very dangerous person with two faces that you cannot trust; honesty is the gold standard and the focus and central spine of friendship. Friendship without honesty is like water without wet and sleep without rest. All dishonest, two-faced people need to be trashed and let go forever. Human behavior quickly goes awry when dishonesty and mistrust enter the picture.

The Main Elements of Romantic Friendship

At this juncture, in order to better understand romantic friendship; three different elements need to be clearly identified and defined here: First, social interaction is the interactive behavior that occurs between people; this can be negative or positive: This is the fundamental element of social behavior; it is the thread that ties people together in some kind of relationship—positive or negative. Secondly, romantic friendship is positive social interaction, with a strong sense of caring and reflection of similar interests and values. thus, positive social interaction involves regular interaction, much caring, and no sex.  Thirdly, intimacy is the display of deep social interaction through mutual sharing of positive emotional behavior. These three elements need to be in place for the development of romantic friendship and to ensure a constant growth of intimacy over time.

Levels of Intimacy

Although intimacy is not the main goal in all social interaction; more often than not, it is either a subliminal goal or the clear central goal of the interaction. Thus, it is crucial that interacting parties clearly define the goal of the interaction, lest they, kind of, skid or slip into sexual intimacy and mess up themselves; something which they never intended to happen in the first place. And even more serious than that, many social interacting partners do not just skid into sex; sometimes, the woman gets pregnant across a fuzzy plane of interaction that was never properly defined. People often mess around with causal sex and become messed up by it, hating one another for messing up each other’s lives. Some people are so thirsty for love that they are willing to gamble with risky, ill-defined relationships that mess up and confuse their lives more than anything else.

In this regard, plain, straight talk is absolutely necessary in order to develop and cultivate meaningful romantic friendships with new people. The truth is that, if honest, straight talk does not—and cannot—work, that is the most obvious red light that you are entering a destructive and dangerous zone, and you should not endeavor to play around with people like that. If a person wants an intimate relationship with you, that needs to be stated in black and white; none of the parties should be confused about what is going on because it is the clearing up of those motives that would either close the door to fruitless, destructive intimacy; or open it wider for the relationship to bloom and develop in a bolder and stronger manner. As a woman, you should never allow a feller to ride your stomach unless he clearly states his intimate interest in, and genuine love for, you. After all, you are not an animal and should not be treated like one. Casual, recreational sex is just not worth it for the woman:If she gets pregnant, she now has to force herself to have a risky abortion; and that is not something that she should be forced to endure. Quite often, women tend to act as if they are super women who don’t get pregnant; however, that is far from the case: Sex produces pregnancy, end of quote.Yes, sex often leads to pregnancy; if you don’t think so, you will be next.

The Romantic Friends Triangle

Sometimes, when either of the parties is involved with someone else; a genuine friendship can develop; and, even though you may have intimate interests in that other person, you should keep your distance erotically. That means that you should keep your vagina out the way from his sperms so that you do not mess yourself up. it would be best to just keep looking around for your man while you watch the developments with that other person whom you like and his lover. If the relationship with that other person ends before you find a man, then that may be right for you.  Quite often, this is how romantic friendships are born; but in the regular scheme of things, this is not how human nature works. Typically, the outside woman barges in and assumes an intimate posture with the other woman’s lover; and then she get pregnant, and quite a mess is created—these things happen every day!

But it does work the other way as well: Sometimes, you become friends with a person who is in another relationship, and you just like him as a friend; thus, a platonic friendship develops. Over time, that person falls out with his girlfriend and begins eying you as a love partner.You become aware of it, weigh it in your mind, and realize that it is not a bad idea after all. This is romantic friendship and progressive intimacy at their very best—and these are some of the best relationships that develop in the world. There was no double dealing; things just fall in place over time, and this is the way things ought to work in romantic friendship.

Is it possible to have a romantic friendship with a person who is going with another person? Common sense would tell you that, if someone is going with another person, it is just not ethical and safe to be having any intimate relationship with that person because, if she would entertain a romantic friendship with you while she is going with someone else; she would do the same thing in a relationship with you—even a marital relationship: This woman is a whore, and you should run from her as fast as you can.  Thus, it is not proper to tie up your life with someone who is having a romantic friendship with someone else. Much of life is just common sense: If you see a car going through the intersection, you wait until it passes and it is safe; and then you proceed after it is gone. If the relationship ends through the natural process of time and incompatibility, and the person becomes available; then, that is a whole different ball of wax, and that may very well wind up being a wonderful relationship for you. In such a situation, all that has happened is that your level of intimacy simply grewover time—and with reason; he was no longer dating that girl. Thus, he is currently available and open to you—and that is only if no one else is in the picture.

Assessing the Romantic Friendship Idea

However, if I understand what folks are calling romantic friendships nowadays; that seems more to me like casual sex among friends: That is not romantic friendship; that is recreational sex, and the two are often confused. It is not possible to behave like lovers in a romantic friendship without sex; the people involved are fooling themselves more than anything else. Opposite sex erotic behavior does one thing: It produces sex. It seems as if those relationships often involve sexual intimacy; based on what I see being called romantic friendships today, I would not recommend having an intimate relationship with someone who is engaged in a romantic friendship with someone else of that ilk. As far as I am concerned, romantic friendships should be a precursor to romantic relationships if the right circumstances are there, and when they work out;they are a beautiful thing because they typically involve having spent a lot of time together. The fact that they have already spent a lot of time together gave the partners ample time and space to say what was on their minds and to really get to know each other.

Because much time is expended interacting without sex;genuine romantic friendships ought to be the model for intimate relationships. This is because, typically, the parties involved develop a genuine and platonic love for one another after spending so much time together. The length of time involved forces the partners to evaluate their interaction and to determine whether or not the other person measures up to their expectations as a spouse. Thus, romantic friendship is a particular kind of progressive friendship with clearly defined milestones, guiding the participants along the way. One of the measuring rods of romantic friendships is the level of intimacy that rightfully ultimately develops—and it is often intimacy that makes sense. The people have known each other for a long time and truly love each other; their love is no meat market: Rather, it is derived from genuine interaction that has occurred over time.

Progressive Intimacy

Perhaps, romantic friendship is not the correct name for this progressive kind of friendship that is driven by growth in intimacy from one level to the other. This kind of friendship is typically long-term, intimate, and developmental or evolutionary; reflecting various levels of intimacy as the platonic friends go along and deepen their commitment for each other. Generally, the level of intimacy that is displayed at any one time is strongly connected to the length of time since the interacting partners have been sharing the romantic friendship.  In this regard, it is crucial to underscore the fact that these relationships are sexless: Genuine romantic friendships are sexless; if sex is involved, it is never a romantic friendship: It is a romantic relationship—and that difference needs to be made very clearly. Many people, out there, are claiming to be in romantic friendships but, instead, are in romantic relationships of a recreational nature. Generally, because these romantic friendships operate at the platonic level, sex is hardly ever the main item on the menu.Characteristically, and interestingly enough, the main item on the menu is usually the interacting parties themselves—they love each other and thoroughly enjoy each other’s presence. This kind of relationship is often built of a more spiritual kind of attraction to each other rather than an erotic kind.The strong attraction is there, but it is not sexual: It is platonic and, therefore, has a more solid foundation for genuine romantic fireworks later on.

The Friendship-Intimacy Confusion

This brings me to the question of whether people can be friends and romantic at the same time; the terms seem wrong: They seem like a misnomer—a paradox. How can you be romantic with a friend? Well, this a very loaded and strategically well-placed question: Can you be romantic with a friend? Well, you can be romantic with your mamma—can’t you? If she is sexy enough and insist on throwing herself on you, at some point in time; you are going to begin to respond. if you are going to be romantic, would it have to be with a friend? This brings us to another question: Is a lover or spouse a friend or just a spouse? The issue here is that the term friend spans the gamut of social interaction and has many different levels.

Some people separate their intimate lives from coworkers, who, quite often, are also friends; others mingle their intimate lives with their coworkers. Both parties are friends; it is just that some people have never mastered the issue of setting boundaries in their lives—they never grew up; thus, they allow their emotions to get crossed up with other people’s and greatly confuse their lives.

Some of these people’s lives become so confused that they are no longer survivable as responsible adults; as a result, they commit suicide because they mixed up too many concoctions and poisoned their own selves. It is necessary to make clear distinctions between levels of friendship and to set boundaries between them. You must distinguish between your spouse and a friend: it is true that both are friends, but the emotional level that you share with your spouse is not supposed to be shared with a coworker or another casual friend; such behavior is a flagrant display of immaturity and mental illness. Thus, your spouse ought to be a friend in a class all by himself or herself; and you do not expect her or him to be sharing his or her body with friends, neither does she expect you to be sharing your body with your coworkers and friends. Such behavior is clearly shallow, sick, and sad. This is one of the reasons that you should not rush and get married because marriage is honorable and only suited for mature people who can honor their marriage vows with the exclusivity that is rightfully its own.

The Romantic Friendship Libido Issue

Romantic friendships are not for everyone because one of the things that many people don’t understand is that everybody is not crazy about sex; everyone is not a sex maniac and doesn’t necessarily like sex. In some ways, this is the other end of the extreme where people shove sex to side and expect their spouse to simply adjust. Friend, if you don’t like sex, tell your partner that before you marry him or her because some people are sexaholics, and that is a fundamental compatibility element. You should not marry a sexaholic if you are not one yourself—don’t fool yourself and tell yourself that lie; it would never work. Sexaholics like sex, and you better be prepared to give it to them every day; otherwise, don’t marry them: You will lose in the long run because they are not going to stay with you and deny themselves the thing that they love the most.

 In addition, everybody does not have a strong sex drive; and some people function better in romantic friendships that generally move more slowly towards the actual sexual penetration. Therefore, romantic friendships tend to have a lower pilot light and burn more slowly than erotically driven relationships; the partners take their time in moving towards intimacy. Everybody can’t do that, and some people are more sex-driven than others. This is one of the reasons that these kinds of relationships are the best around because the people involved are often more patient; they tend to take their time and get to know each other. They do not rush into an overheated volcano: What is so interesting here is that there is a sizable number of marriages that do not fail; the people are doing something right. These people generally have a higher level of control over their sex drive because they understand the need to master the sex drive in order to select the right spouse. Sex, more often than not, is a very unkind friend; and, if you do not learn to control it, it will control you and lead you over a cliff; as it has done to so many people.

Sex, an old friend, and a sneaky enemy

That stole your marriage and flew away in the wind.

Sex, an old troublemaker

it turned your wiry waist into a cup of tears.

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